New Divorce Client

Scott was a new divorce client. He was a pleasure. You could talk to him.  He thought about the case in business terms. In spite of being committed to lifelong care for a disabled adult child of the marriage, he took a cheery approach to what ordinarily can be highly stressful. His long-term marriage had failed. He and his wife would have to put the pieces together of their post-divorce life. Even in divorce,  they both knew that effective communication would be critical for the health of their adult disabled child.  They would need to funnel information from the caregivers of their adult disabled child so that it would be actionable for both. They would divorce one another but would not divorce their children. Their other children were technically adults but would still need guidance and support. 

Heard It All

Talking to the “Scotts” of the world is a day to day event for divorce and family lawyers. Scott told me details about the reason for the divorce. No one ever gives me the full scoop on the first contact but I always get a sense of what might have been brewing.  The circumstances matter little to the court and matter tremendously to the individual people in a divorce and family law matter.  As we wrapped up our initial conversations my new client offered to me, as so many do, “you’ve probably heard it all.” 

It is true that working as a divorce and family lawyer does expose one to a lot of shocking narratives. Scott, his wife and children had suffered hardships. Nothing I had not seen before. Fortunately for Scott, his story would not make the record books. 

Roof and Family Law?

Then I needed a roof installed on my house.

Meet Dave

I contacted a number of roof contractors, got some estimates and settled on Dave the Roofer. Dave and I agreed on terms at which point my wife walked in and asked Dave “how is your grandmother?” They had spoken briefly during a prior visit to the home by Dave. With the transaction complete, I started to zone out when Dave reset the story. Dave shared that his grandmother was doing okay but that his maternal aunt had fleeced the grandmother. Almost everyone that talks to or around a lawyer has a grievance and some eagerness to share it. Sharing it at my kitchen counter would cost nothing. I perked up slightly and leaned in when Dave took a physical step back and shared the context for his observations. It cannot be overemphasized,  how much body language impacts attentiveness. 

Crazy Hypothetical

For the practitioner,  lawyer, social worker, therapist or Court professional, Dave’s story is a crazy hypothetical family law problem gone completely wild. For Dave, the story is all too real. Dave has the scars to prove it. His case involves child custody of his sister, child support for his sister, compensation for his murdered mother, child support from his father for his minor sister and the larcenous acts of his maternal aunt who raided the home of her dead sister while her nephew fought for his life. 

Never Heard This One

Scott was wrong.

It is not that I am unfamiliar with murder suicide. In my over 20 years in divorce and family practice, clients have committed suicide. I have had my own client who we eagerly represented in domestic violence Court,  brutally stabbed to death by her husband. She had successfully secured multiple restraining orders against her husband but kept dropping them and letting him back.  My client was only 37. She left two young children behind. Her father came to New Jersey from the west coast to pick up the pieces and take the children. Among the correspondence he found was an unpaid invoice from my office. When he called,  I told him to use the money for the children.

Murder-Suicide

That murder-suicide occurred over 16 years ago. I am haunted by that murder-suicide. It could have been prevented. Dave’s story brought me back to those strong and devastated feelings. We had tried desperately to help our client who, it was clear, was suffering from drug issues and in the whirlwind grip of a violent relationship. This is the story of murder, suicide, and structures behavior by one’s own tribe at the time when nurse the, compassion and generosity was most needed. I suppose that is what motivates so many family and divorce lawyers. Working as a family and divorce lawyer can be very emotionally draining. Almost everyone you deal with is at the end of the rope. You are looking for people and scenarios where you can tie a knot in that rope for them and you are looking for people in your client’s life who can do the same.

Dave the Roofer is the kind of guy who tied a knot for himself and his little sister when there were near fragments of a frayed rope to work with.

 I Got Shot

Dave started his story with the words “I got shot and my mother was killed by her boyfriend, a Monmouth County corrections officer.” I immediately remembered the news report.

On January 25, 2002, James Lambertson, a Monmouth County corrections officer shot and killed his girlfriend Robin Bloodgood. Lambertson also shot David Bloodgood, the teenage son of Robin. David’s girlfriend and David’s little sister escaped without being shot.

Dave the Roofer

David is Dave the Roofer. He was shot directly in his abdomen and has the huge scar pictured above to prove it. The bullet was removed from an incision in his back. David’s little sister stayed with David’s girlfriend while he went through multiple surgeries fighting for his life. When Dave returned to his mother’s home, he was shocked to find that his mother’s sister had raided the home and rearranged everything so as to mask what had been taken.

Child Custody

Dave sought custody of his little sister and won. The child’s father lives in Florida. He was unwilling or unable to care for his young daughter. He quit paying child support leaving Dave to raise his sister without parental support or financial resources.

Rise Up

In an era when some people broadcast and revel in their victimhood, others rise up. Dave the Roofer rises up every day, climbs on your roof, fixes it, replaces it climbs back down only to go down the road give another estimate and fix another roof. Dave reports a positive relationship with his own teenage son and eagerly awaits the birth of his second child.

Give Up

Dave tells the story with a smile on his face and the knowledge that he succeeded under incredibly difficult circumstances. Everyone going through a tough divorce or family law matter has moments of doubt. Will I get through? What if I give up the whole thing? Dave was just a kid when he faced his mortality, the family Court process and the murder of his mother. It may seem like too much to handle. when you are ready to throw on the towel know that there are resources all around you to help get you through. When that doesn’t work, know there is a guy with a huge scar in front and hole in the back climbing on a roof and rising above.