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Competition and Break-Up

Competitive human nature compels us to make a sport out of the family law process.

Whether as cheerleaders, advisers, or observers, we draw our friends and families close. Those that do not pick our side are presumed enemies. Your mentality becomes a “with me or against me” complex. In order to prove that we are right and that the other person is wrong, we spin our version of the truth like politicians on the stump.

We naturally want the sympathy and support of our own extended family. They need to agree and sympathize with us and disagree with the other person. We start to see the other person through our family’s collective eyes. Maybe your family never liked the other person. The break-up gives them the chance to hammer that point home and gives you the chance to now embrace their negative view. You are the one ending an important relationship, dividing debts and assets, and making a plan to successfully raise your children. Convincing your inner circle of family that your ex is the “bad guy”, at fault, and should pay will only give you a false sense of reality and will not make you feel better in the long run. You alone are responsible for your actions during the break-up process and the result of the process. This is the not the mentality you should embrace when you are dealing with a Family Law Attorney. Your thoughts need to be your own, rational ones.

That being said, comfort from your family is essential. Cheerleading and encouragement to “take him for every dime” or “fight for custody because I never liked her anyway” may seem tempting while you are enduring the process. But supercharging the break-up emotions with family cheerleading and encouragement for unreasonable settlement or trial positions will result in certain disappointment. You are breaking up. Your family should be there to help, not to add fuel to the fire.