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Family Law

The Word Settle – part 1

Giveaway Versus Self-Determination Most family law cases settle short of trial. The word “settle” may sound bad to you. You may associate the words quit, give up, or giveaway with this word. There are causes for which there can be no settlement — crushing terrorism, eliminating apartheid in South Africa, and eliminating slavery in the United States are not compromise issues.

Settling ought not be viewed as an all or nothing proposition. Instead of settle, use a different phrase, such as contractual agreement, consensual arrangement, resolution, conclusion, compromise, or accord. You pick the word. Do not let the words imply something different than the goal of resolving your family law case quickly and fairly. Focus on the end result. The Giveaway I represented a man who owned a very successful business. He also owned substantial personal assets. The business was far more valuable than the total of his other personal assets (such as his home, retirement accounts, and other liquid assets). He and his wife negotiated directly for many months.

I worked with my client to prepare drafts of an agreement and on the tenth try, we got it right. The wife retained an attorney to review the agreement and to represent her at the final divorce hearing. The only court appearance lasted approximately twenty minutes. At the end of the negotiations, the wife brought the tenth draft agreement to her attorney. The attorney asked me the question, “Why the giveaway?” I was bothered by the question. The suggestion was that my client had somehow tricked this very well educated, thoughtful, and determined lady into accepting a lousy agreement. The question was unfair. I shrugged it off but have thought about this issue on many occasions. If a spouse does not fight for every nickel, does that mean she has been tricked? Or has she knowingly and voluntarily given something away?