End Divorce Pain – 5 Minutes
Eight Right Ways to End Divorce Pain
Clients come to lawyers in pain. Divorce Pain from the breakup. Divorce Pain from the financial hardship. Extramarital affairs cause Divorce Pain. Clients also bring a lifetime of pain. Disappointments are a part of life. Experiences that shaped your life colors your View and Mindset in a divorce matter. You are a whole human being. You show up with Divorce Pain from accumulated knowledge. How will your divorce case go? and suspicions about the Divorce Pain process.
Tip to Triumphing over Divorce Pain
Eight Right Ways are a practice. Read the Eight Right Ways in any order you like. Each Right Way takes under 5 minutes to read. Conversely, the Eight Right Way guides through life.
Psychologists say
that we carry with us not only our own experiences but the experiences of our parents and grandparents span back as much as (75) years before our birth. In some religions, pain and sin spends back to the origins of humans. Peeling back the layers of the onion. The layers of our lives include how we were raised and how we will parent. We span back to interactions with grandparents and people of that generation.
Eight Right Ways are a practice. Read the Eight Right Ways in any order you like. Each Right Way takes under 5 minutes to read. Conversely, the Eight Right Way guides through life.
Divorce Pain in our DNA
As I write in 2020 we are a nation connected to the Great Depression (1930s), human destruction of World War II (1940s), Vietnam War Gulf War, Afghanistan and Iraq. Wars impact how people view life and Divorce Pain.
It was not long ago that sparing the rod was considered bad parenting. Now society’s sensibilities prohibit striking the child as a matter of discipline. Were you spanked or spared? You bring those experiences to your divorce.
Money and Divorce Pain
Most divorces are largely about money. I should say most divorce is all about the interplay of money and family dynamics.
How will money be allocated between the spouses?
Income, assets, debts, responsibility for expenses will need to be sorted out. Your lawyers and professionals have a bag of tricks to address all of these issues. None of it feels Right. It is too much. It is too little. Divorce Pain is too painful. Everyone suffers the pain of money in divorce. Even my richest clients have to think twice about where they will get money to pay for lawyers and accountants. No one has a piggy bank stuffed with cash marked divorce fund.
Divorcing couples are suffering.
A lawsuit, court case tends to increase suffering at least that point during the case. Gathering initial information to file a case can be a great hardship for some. Going through discovery is terrible.
Answering voluminous interrogatories is burdensome. Enduring questions at a deposition is unbearable Divorce Pain. Court rulings are bewildering. Dirty tricks by the other person and aggressive conduct by the other lawyer can all intensify Divorce Pain.
The lawyer’s job is
To create an environment where divorce pain and suffering can be mitigated. The lawyer’s job is to “hold the lantern” and lead clients to their biggest and best future. Control over the conduct of the other party, the conduct of the other lawyer, the conduct of the court staff and the precise results achieved in a litigated or negotiated resolution is out of your lawyer’s hands.
The lawyer has a lot of influence over the process. The lawyer has the ability to shape the client experience from the initial consultation through the final resolution. Your divorce lawyer has the dual ambitions of counseling and litigating for best results. By managing for long term Divorce pain-and-suffering mitigation, the client gets the best process and results.
It will seem impossible to even dream of litigating a family case and avoiding suffering. Those that suffer nothing are delusional or mentally ill.
Do not pay your lawyer in time and money to share your divorce pain.
Your lawyer should stay positive. You do not want a lawyer to stand in your shoes. Feel your divorce pain – yes. Live your divorce pain – no! Your relationship with your ex can be ruined by abdicating power to your lawyer.
You think it would feel better Right off the bat if your lawyer would join you in your Divorce pain. Join you and your cheerleaders in helping you get “even” with your ex. There are plenty of lawyers that will accommodate you. Remember, contrary to popular opinion, lawyers at least start off as human.
Lawyers have the same pain and suffering that you do.
hey had parents and grandparents and generations of influences in their life before they ever met you. They had a lifetime that included pain-and-suffering before they became a lawyer. Many lawyers, including compassionate and excellent lawyers, became lawyers to mitigate painful experiences ignored by them for their family. And the fight for justice is a movable undertaking. Many lawyers in divorce and family law come from a place of challenges in their own home life. A breakup in their family. An abusive relationship between parents or grandparents. A parent that disappeared or died. They may have had complex with stepparents. They may have been witness to incidents of domestic violence in their home life.
Lawyers bring their life on of pain and suffering to the career and potentially to your representation. This may be exactly what you need. You may have bonded with your lawyer over that pain. That person may be able to empathize with you. The ability to monetize and advocate may be the perfect recipe for you.
Handing off complete responsibility for your divorce and family law case is a bad idea. You then interject the whole experience of your lawyer who wants to win big. Your lawyer’s competitive spirits and training kicks in. You have now substituted your divorce lawyer for you and your divorce lawyer is getting divorced your spouse.
No Abdicating Divorce Pain
Avoid abdicating complete responsibility for your case to your lawyer. All you do is allow your lawyer to work through her problems while you pay by the hour. When the case is over you’ll be left befuddled, broke and having to deal with your ex-spouse for a position of anger and miscommunication. You handed off all the communication and all of the public resolution to your lawyer and now your acts believe that is the only way. You can do better for yourself and for your future self. Divorce pain and suffering will be part of the process. I cannot take it away from you.
There is no divorce pill.
I have often thought that a divorce pill would be a great invention. Mix it up in the laboratory, and it to the clients at the beginning of the case when the pill wears off the case is over and their life is restarted. I do not want my clients in the catatonic state. Above all, I want clients to be alert and awake even if that means that they must see, touch and endure some divorce pain. Iterating away from divorce pain requires a starting point. Abdicating means you never start and you never make progress.
I offer you progress. I offer you the opportunity and freedom to touch that divorce pain. Perfection is not guaranteed. Eight practices that will take no more than five minutes each. Absorb them all or absorb one. You own your marriage or relationship. Soon you will own your divorce and break up. Your lawyer will be around and to serve you as an advocate, counselor and good human being. Conversely, you do not own the lawyer. The lawyer does not own you. You own the results and impact of your breakup.
What are the Eight Right Ways?
Today’s post of 1 of 4. Take five minutes for each practice and you are on the Way.
Looking to dive a little deeper?
http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/noble8path6.pdf
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