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Happy Divorce?

Happy Divorce?

Happy Divorce?

Thankfully no one cared if I was happy.

Is there such thing as a happy divorce?

Happiness belongs to you. No one can take it away from you. Only you can define happiness and succeed in your happy divorce.

No one cares if you are happy.

If you grew up learning grit and resilience, you can grab the handles of a happy divorce.  Some of us will have a harder time finding a happy divorce.  Parents learn to protect their children.   Parents of children in divorce are especially protective. Put your children in a protective bubble and I hope they only see the happy divorce. Overprotection can backfire.

Happy Divorce – Realistic Expectations

You will be okay.  Conversely you will suffer if your primary objective is to make your spouse suffer.  Even worse, your spouse may thrive while suffering boomerangs back  on you. When I was growing up society was not that interested in entertaining children..

We learned to entertain ourselves

No one cared if I was happy.  Unfortunately, no one will care if you  enjoy a happy divorce. Only you can set the parameters for your divorce success.

Your divorce law attorney can help

Alimony, child support and dividing assets belonged to the lawyer. Your feelings are not part of the statutes. The case law never mentions your feelings.  Indeed, a big job for the lawyer is to moderate emotional decision making. 

Good Decisions make a Happy Divorce

Emotionally-charged decisions, conversely, never feel that good. There will be a temporary     high. Then, when that victory dissipates, emotions take over. 

Divorce –  going old school

Everyone endures hard times.  Grit is developed when you get through those hard times.  Think back,  you have overcome hardship.  Most fulfilling activities are born of overcoming hardship. Remember, that teacher that seemed to pick on you. Travel back to the bully who you defeated.  Certainly people were on your side. Know that people are on your side and want for you a happy divorce.

Fear setting

What is the worst possible outcome?  not for everything all at once.  break things down into the smallest possible bites.  how do you eat an elephant –  one bite at a time!  

Author Tim Ferris is a master Fear Setter – Fear-Setting: The Most Valuable Exercise I Do Every Month.

Take child custody

Very few child custody cases are litigated.  are there really bad parents are not even candidates for child custody litigation. You are gripped in fear by the notion that the other parent can get custody of your children.  Child custody determinations are rarely surprises. However,  courts are always active putting the children together with both parents. 

What about holidays?

Keep scaring yourself. What if you had to alternate a big holiday. It feels  terrible.  Can a holiday be shared?  celebrating the holiday on the day before or day after is not impossible, every other year or so.  as terrible as sharing custody for important holidays may feel,  the revolution will not kill you.  no one gets the death penalty for making decisions in divorce.

The worst of it lasts a few minutes and then dissipates.

Happy divorce – good custody decisions

Most parents are good people and know intuitively where the children should live primarily. There are exceptions. In your mind picture two competent parents.  They both have time and ability to love and care for their children.  Both demand the primary caregiver designation.

Now what?

This is the real worst case scenario. These parents will have a child custody case. A real child custody case. Unbeknownst to them,  it will ruin both of them and adversely impact the children. One parent will need the Wisdom of Solomon.

  …as a mother would even give up her baby if that was necessary to save its life. This judgment became known throughout all of Israel and was considered an example of profound wisdom.

The parent that loses the battle, wins the war. A happy divorce for your children means overcoming Fears. 

You don’t need a child custody battle to suffer in divorce.

Try a fear setting exercise over money issues. Worrying about the marital home can make you crazy – do fear setting exercise. Try them all – alimony, assets, debts, legal fees…

You have gone through all of the divorce issues – still stressed.

Remember, no one cares if you are happy.  it is up to you. try to get happy overcoming hardship.

Physical hardship comes in  all shapes and sizes. Try yoga.  Go back to the gym – get a trainer and get on the program. You will suffer terrible hardships while gaining enormous fulfillment. 

Try fasting. All major religions include cleansing the body through fasting. You may feel that you will die if you fast for 3 days. No one dies from the 3-day fast. Cheat with water and coffee. Even a dash of milk in the coffee is okay.

My personal favorite is jumping in the cold ocean.  My record is 38 degrees Fahrenheit.  you jump in and you jump out. Have two towels, a hat, gloves and warm clothes to put on immediately.

Why does jumping in 38-degree water make you happy?

Because you lived. When I jump in cold water I feel I will die for just a Split Second. Then I survive. The rest of the day is a celebration of life. By the way,  since none of your laggard friends would go with you, you have a great story to tell. No one can beat that story.

Give up social media for 7 days.

I heard you gasp. Because this is a sacrifice and hardship it will make you so happy and relieved. Oh and throw in watching news as well.  (7 )days off of each.  Do it now and get relief.

Set the bar right

There is a happy divorce for you. Your job is to learn what a reasonable result is for each divorce issue.  shoot High. Principled compromise by both sides contributes to a happy divorce.  Even if you have to litigate, you will choose true happiness for your family in your divorce.

Post-divorce happiness is up to you –  your loved ones will root for you,  but only you can make it happen. 

Divorce Lawyer Jeff J. Horn

Ocean County – Divorce and Finances

Ocean County Child Custody Lawyer | Physical and Legal Custody

Photo by Sammie Vasquez on Unsplash