Guest Writer: Kimberly Lorah, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Divorce Coach
Divorce puts you on a roller coaster of emotions – a roller coaster with twists and turns and loops – the kind that flips you upside down. Divorce can leave you spinning and feeling completely out of control.
Divorce overwhelms almost all aspects of your life and can potentially overtake your ability to think clearly and make sound decisions. When important decisions are not carefully considered, mistakes can be made. These mistakes can have long term legal, financial and other negative consequences that might affect you and your family for many years.
Because divorce is so overwhelming and emotionally stressful, people’s cognitive abilities can be affected and their decisions may be clouded. There are six common mistakes that people are prone to make without the right support and guidance.
- Throwing in the Towel
- Taking the My Way or the Highway Approach
- Betting the Farm on Another Relationship
- Allowing Others to Take Over Your Decision Making
- Wanting Guarantees and Certainty
- Not Getting Help from the Right People
All six of these common mistakes share the same quality. They are all mindset mistakes or ways of thinking that won’t get you the best outcome. Legal professionals, financial experts and other divorce professionals can explain, help outline options, identify consequences and provide expertise in their fields. A Certified Divorce Coach is a professional who is specially trained to work with people impacted by divorce. They can support you in a very holistic way throughout the entire divorce process. One important way they assist is by helping avoid these six mistakes commonly made in divorce by working to develop strength and clarity to move forward into your new future with confidence. _________________________________________________________________________________________
Experts in the divorce field agree that these are some of the most important things for people to know and remember as they begin their divorce journey. A Certified Divorce Coach can help you with them.
- Managing your emotional journey through divorce will have the greatest impact on the legal and financial outcome of your divorce
- Decisions you make during this time will affect the rest of your life so gathering information is critical
- Know and believe that there will be a new and wonderful life after divorce
- Creating a peaceful and amicable divorce is a conscious choice and many professionals are available to support you in your decision including lawyers, financial advisors, mediators, real estate experts, and divorce coaches.
- What happens during the divorce process is more within your control than you may imagine. The choices and decisions you make now will help lead you to the outcome you want.
Rushing to “get it over with” is the worst choice that can be made during the divorce process.
Six Biggest Mistakes in Divorce
- Throwing in the Towel: I just want out, get this over with, I am worn down by the process.
Consequences: Years of constantly going back to court to try to remedy what went wrong in the first place-Housing, Child Support, Family Pets, Religion, Education, Car and Car Insurance, etc.
- Taking the My Way or the Highway Approach: I don’t want to listen to you because I am right and there is nothing you can say to change my mind.
Consequences: Legal costs, negative court surprises, angrily bypass a good settlement. They don’t get what they really want or they get worn down and “throw in the towel”.
- Betting the Farm on Another Relationship: My new love will take care of me; I just want out so I don’t care about the support or the asset division.
Consequences: Making decisions which can have significant impact on future; counting on something which is not a sure thing and could be a short-term fix.
- Allowing Others to Make Your Decisions: This is really abdicating or surrendering your decision making power. My lawyer told me this is what I have to do; or Everything will come out in front of the judge and he will make the decision!
Consequences: You may think that the lawyers and judges have the answers but only you know what is best for you and your family. You can easily adopt the victim role.
- Wanting Guarantees and Certainty: I don’t understand whether this is a good settlement, or I can’t see the way forward with this settlement because it doesn’t contain guarantees.
Consequences: Offer could be reduced or withdrawn; the lawyer will do some arm-twisting; or the Judge decides based on statutes.
- Not Getting Information from Enough Qualified Resources: I will just ask my friends who have been divorced or turn to my family for help; or just count on my lawyer.
Consequences: Unrealistic to this one source will be enough. Each divorce is unique and other expertise and objectivity may be needed in addition to legal advice or taking your side.
There are, thankfully, many options and a variety of professionals to help you through the process.
- Kimberly Lorah is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Divorce Coach and the owner of Blossom Coaching, LLC. She has experience with divorce, both professionally and personally. As a mental health professional who also specializes in the unique needs of people impacted by divorce, she can help you manage the overwhelm, explore options, and gain clarity so that you are able to make the best possible decisions for your future. In addition, Kimberly is trained in divorce collaboration as well as mediation and acts as a divorce coach on collaborative teams. Kim offers free consultations and can be reached at 201-903-0240 or [email protected]. For more information, visit www.kimberlylorahcoaching.com