Why Do We Break Up?
Studies have been performed by many, many experts on the topic of why people break up. My thoughts are not intended to replace those studies. My observations are supported by, and traceable to, the mainstream theories on separation and my own reading of the important research over the past 30 years. You may not want to break up. The choice is not yours alone to make. Your attitude is all you can control when you are not the one pushing the break-up. What the experts think and say is irrelevant to you, your relationship, and your attitude toward breaking up.
Unmet Expectations
Human nature dictates that when we marry, cohabitate or procreate that we have an inherent expectation that our life with our spouse or partner will remain as good as it was during the courting phase and the relationship will grow into something even better. Those expectations are met in many successful, long-term relationships. Yet failures happen — progress toward growth in a relationship is not linear. You may feel like things are great and within days or even hours feel like the relationship is a disaster. Those feelings, the highest of the highs and the deepest of the lows and all of the energy and emotion that is expended rising and falling, can sour one person on the other. At the same time, the other person may not feel the highs and lows in the relationship as intensely as you do. After awhile, you may simply lose interest in climbing out of the lows and no longer believe that the highs can be reached.
The question is: what do you expect from your relationship?
You may not be able to articulate your expectations, but you know what you feel. You know when something is wrong. You certainly want your spouse/partner to attend to you, spend time with you, share your interests inside and out of the home, respect your work, mingle with your co-workers, accept your religion, promote your education, encourage your hobbies, and share experiences with extended family. You want your spouse/partner to share certain financial goals — some are savers, some are spenders, and some are in-between. No pair will line up perfectly, but you expect the other person to consider your point of view on the major financial decisions of the relationship.
What we hope from relationships is a sense of peace and a sense that together both of us are better than the one. When we lack that sense of peace and the other person has failed to meet an expectation, we assess blame upon the other person. If that feeling endures long enough, or the other person does enough things that justify genuine anger, the relationship will end.