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Divorce Anger leads to Bad Decisions

Divorce Anger leads to Bad Decisions

Divorce Anger leads to Bad Decisions

By Jeff J. Horn, Ocean County Divorce Lawyer

Attorney Bio

I know that divorce anger leads to bad decisions.

A divorce lawyer who fails to inquire about your willingness to become divorced cares not a wit about anything besides your cash flow.  Fortunately, I have mirrors in my home and office and hence cannot operate on this level. Hence, I kick a lot of people out of my office because they are not ready for a divorce. Furthermore, divorce anger wastes your money and energy

 Oftentimes clients are in acute anger from some horrible thing that occurred in the relationship.

Or, they are in angry shock because the spouse has demanded a divorce without warning.  Either way the client is working on pure adrenalin.  If I feed the anger, I become a fellow combatant in the “virtual foxhole” next to the client.  If I dismiss the anger or ask how the client’s expectations soared beyond reality, I am a traitor who has been bought-off by the system. In either case, I cannot be that person’s lawyer and that person cannot be my client, at least now.  

Divorce litigants blinded by emotions must pause and reflect – divorce anger leads to bad decisions.

Some potential divorce clients will go away and never come back. Many will appear at the courthouse with another lawyer and often many lawyers over the span of many trips to the courthouse.  Often, months or even years later, I will bump into the person who apologizes for not listening to me.  This is no bother.  Most likely, the client was in no frame of mind to objectively look at their life and their future when they met me.

 TRUE STORY

 Once a non-divorce lawyer announced he was referring me  to a case (really co-counseling) and that the litigant had been promised a fabulous result. Great. Fortunately, the client was very wealthy and happily offered a $100,000.00 retainer.  What the other lawyer meant was that I would do all the work (value $15,000) and he would find a way to justify keeping the whole retainer.  The client could easily pay this amount being fully financed by family members worth hundreds of millions of dollars.  Dutifully, I prepared a memo outlining the scope of work and roughly gauging possible economic results.

Sadly for other lawyer, the anticipated legal and accounting fees did not even approach the previously advertised retainer. 

For better or worse,  I had to give this client the truth and reasonable expectation of the process, the result and cost.  Strikingly the client’s anger was so hot that a realistic assessment would not be accepted. Thankfully, we “lost” the client. Sadly that clients’ divorce anger leads to bad decisions – I am sure many decisions followed.

Focus on your big, happy future and avoid the angst – divorce anger leads to bad decisions 

Virtual and real, Bookstore shelves are loaded with relationship books – how to find, woo, and keep a mate. Many will try reading those books.  Some will try marriage counseling.  Others will rent the divorce movie classic War of the Roses.  Pretend I am Danny DeVito scaring you and kicking you out of my office.  For many, getting divorced is a terrible process.  You may have no choice. Ultimately, your approach is your decision and you will survive it.

 I offer advice to prospective divorce clients daily.

Inevitably, I give them their options and ask “On a scale of 1 – 10, how much do you want to get divorced?”  Surprisingly, the majority answer that they are uncertain or that they do not want to divorce.  I tell them to go away and save the relationship.  After divorce, people with children are stuck with each other for many years.  Child Rearing is a lifelong commitment. Likely, You will be dealing with your ex-spouse.  Remember, their will be weddings, bar mitzvahs, communions, and grandchildren. Short term, divorce anger leads to bad decisions. Long term, if you can survive a rough divorce, you may be able to look ahead with great optimism into the future of your family.

Photo by David Knox on Unsplash

Divorce Book from on Amazon – Shock Proof Divorce by Jeff J Horn