By Jeff J. Horn – Divorce Attorney
Whether you’re appearing in court, joining a Zoom hearing, or sitting across the table from a mediator, how you conduct yourself in legal settings matters. This is especially true in New Jersey family law, where emotions often run high and outcomes can deeply affect your life and your family’s future. Judges, attorneys, and court personnel take note of more than just what you say—they pay attention to how you say it, how you dress, and how you carry yourself.
In this guide, we explain how to conduct yourself in every type of legal setting: in-person court appearances, virtual court via Zoom, mediation and arbitration, attorney meetings, and interactions with court staff. These tips are based on our years of experience practicing family law in Ocean County and throughout New Jersey.
Why Conduct Matters in Family Law Cases
In family law, the legal process often intersects with highly personal issues like child custody, property division, and divorce. This means participants often feel a powerful emotional charge during proceedings. However, the court expects a professional tone at all times. Conducting yourself with composure, respect, and attentiveness shows the judge that you are serious, credible, and ready to resolve matters responsibly.
Preparing for In-Person Court in New Jersey
Make a Strong First Impression
The courtroom is a formal setting, and first impressions matter. Dress professionally, as though you are attending a job interview. For men, this may mean slacks and a button-down shirt or blazer. For women, modest dresses, blouses, or business suits are appropriate. Avoid shorts, ripped jeans, or clothing with inappropriate graphics.
Respect Courtroom Procedure
Arriving early—at least 30 minutes before your scheduled time—gives you space to handle parking, security checks, and any last-minute conversations with your attorney. Once in the courtroom, stand when the judge enters, remain quiet, and follow all instructions. Address the judge as “Your Honor” and never interrupt.
Let Your Attorney Lead
Your lawyer knows how to present your case effectively. Speak only when asked, answer questions directly, and avoid long-winded explanations. If you don’t understand a question, ask for clarification instead of guessing.
Stay Calm
It can be difficult to remain composed during family court hearings, but outbursts—whether from anger or frustration—can undermine your case. Judges take note of your tone and body language. Remaining respectful even when tensions rise demonstrates maturity and credibility.
How to Behave During Virtual Court Hearings
Treat Zoom Court Like a Physical Courtroom
Even though you’re appearing from home, virtual court demands the same level of professionalism. Dress as you would in court, and choose a quiet space with a neutral background. Avoid lying in bed, sitting on a couch, or allowing others to walk through the room during your hearing.
Prepare Your Tech
Before your hearing, test your internet connection, microphone, camera, and Zoom platform. Familiarize yourself with features like muting, unmuting, and the chat function. Log on at least 10 to 15 minutes early to handle any last-minute issues.
Mute Yourself When Not Speaking
Background noise can be disruptive. Stay muted until you’re called to speak. When you do speak, look directly at the camera and speak clearly. Avoid fidgeting or reacting visibly while others are talking.
Maintain a Courtroom Demeanor
Remember that you’re on camera the entire time. Avoid rolling your eyes, sighing, or showing frustration. Judges and attorneys will notice, and these small gestures can damage how you’re perceived.
Conduct During Attorney Meetings
Be Honest with Your Lawyer
Your attorney is there to help, not judge. Hiding information—even if it feels embarrassing—can hurt your case. Everything you say is confidential, and your lawyer can only represent you effectively if they have all the facts.
Come Prepared
Bring relevant documents, such as court filings, income records, or communications with your ex-spouse or co-parent. Write down any questions beforehand so your time is used efficiently.
Respect Time and Focus
Be on time for appointments, whether they are in-person or virtual. Stay focused on the case at hand, and avoid letting emotions derail the meeting. If needed, your lawyer will schedule additional time to address new concerns.
How to Act in Mediation or Arbitration
Approach Mediation with Openness
Unlike a trial, mediation is collaborative. Both parties work with a neutral third party to resolve their issues. You should still dress professionally and arrive on time. Show a willingness to compromise while protecting your key interests.
Avoid Blame and Accusation
Mediation is not a space to relitigate every argument from the marriage or prior disputes. Focus on solutions. Avoid pointing fingers, raising your voice, or using inflammatory language.
Stay Focused on Resolution
The mediator is there to help both sides reach a fair outcome. Being respectful, calm, and cooperative increases the likelihood of resolving issues outside of court—which can save you time, stress, and money.
Interacting with Court Staff and Opposing Counsel
Show Respect to Everyone
Your conduct doesn’t only matter when facing a judge. Be polite to clerks, security personnel, and administrative staff. Word travels quickly in court environments, and poor behavior can affect your reputation.
Communicate Through Your Attorney
Never try to contact the judge directly. All communication should go through your attorney or be filed through the proper legal process.
Avoid Social Media Pitfalls
Do not post about your case online. Avoid commenting on the other party, the judge, or your legal team. Even private posts can be used against you in court.
Legal Etiquette Extends Beyond the Courtroom
Your case doesn’t end at the courtroom door. Professionalism matters in every interaction—whether you’re writing an email, signing documents, or answering a phone call from your attorney. Conduct is part of your case, and your ability to remain calm, respectful, and focused can influence how your legal matter is resolved.
At Horn Law Group, we help you prepare for more than just hearings. We guide our clients through every step of the process—from legal strategy to courtroom etiquette—so they are never caught off guard.
If you’re facing a family law matter in Toms River, Ocean County, or anywhere in New Jersey, contact Horn Law Group today for experienced and compassionate legal support.
Thanks to Horn Law Group, LLC intern Dillon Uhrig
Photo by David Veksler on Unsplash