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Paying Divorce Lawyers – Family Money

Paying Divorce Lawyers – Family Money

Paying Divorce Lawyers – Family Money

Jeff J. Horn – Toms River Divorce Lawyer

Generally, few divorce litigants have the funds available for paying divorce lawyers, deposition costs, custody experts, accounting experts, and filing fees. Oftentimes, money is loaned or gifted by friends and family. By and large, the person receiving the loan or gift ought not rub this fact into the face of the other spouse. At the same time, the spouse not receiving the loan or gift of funds or facing a fight against a spouse with a wealthy family ought not turn the divorce into a “me against them” situation.

Paying Divorce Lawyers – Fighting an entire family.

Frequently, family money may have been there for you for the purchase of a home, payment of a medical bill, or funding of a fancy wedding. Do not be surprised when those funds are there to support your spouse in a divorce. 

Getting Even Do Not – Pay Divorce Lawyers to get even.

Of course, there is no way to define being “even”, and there is no way to prepare for it – to expect it is delusional. If all you want to do is get even, stay married and beat the odds. Seriously, escaping a bad spouse, conversely, will get you even on your own. Do not ask or expect a judge to make a judicial determination that one spouse is “bad” and therefore reward you as the “good” spouse. Logic dictates, it does not work that way, and you should not expect it to. 

Prepare yourself to succeed without overspending on Divorce Lawyers.

Beware, Don’t get emotional about the divorce process — the process has bias and inefficiency that may disproportionately impact your case. Do not alter your goals based upon disappointment in the divorce process — your goals of supporting yourself and nurturing your children cannot be achieved if surrendered to the process. 

Pay your Divorce Lawyers for a big future – life continues when the process is over.

You must control your life without the process and process anger. A smart lawyer wrote “getting divorced is a lot worse than being divorced.” Keep that in mind. Magnification – You are wronged by people every day — wronged by misleading advertisements, wronged by dinner-hour telemarketers, wronged by lousy diner meals, wronged by rage-filled highway drivers. Generally, these wrongs are low intensity and perpetrated by strangers. Fortunately, you forget about them and, perhaps, never even see the person responsible for doing you wrong. The name and condition of the wrongdoer is unknown and irrelevant to you. We are all desensitized to these minor slights; they leave no impression. 

Mitigate Emotional Decision-Making.

Contrast that to the way you feel while in the midst of a divorce. Those same minor slights — a sidelong glance from your spouse, a slight irritation offered by the judge, a delay in a telephone call being returned — are even more minor than the slights perpetrated by strangers. Yet you magnify these slights into personal affronts with paralyzing results. This is magnification. 


Generally, during a divorce, everything is studied in great detail. Instinctively, you contact your divorce lawyer to complain that the opposing lawyer has used poor grammar, misspellings, or improper punctuation in a letter to you. Obsessively, you study body language, facial expressions, and choice of words. Every oral gasp, typographical error, or forgotten detail results in you feeling like your skin has been purposely scorched with highly concentrated sulfuric acid. 

Paying Divorce Lawyers will not salve every hurt feeling.

Ordinarily ignored miscues are closely scrutinized — you break out the magnifying glass for everything that happens in your case. You assume a purposeful, hostile, and aggressive meaning in every communication from the opposing side. For you, the impact of words and deeds are magnified. Here is a classic case study on magnification. My client was the wife in a very emotional divorce that involved a custody battle. She had been a stay-at-home mother and her husband was the sole breadwinner. 

Avoid Paying Divorce Lawyers to pick fights over child custody.

Their teenager was angry with her mom because of the divorce, while the father became a “Disney dad” and bribed his daughter with lavish gifts. The husband’s lawyer’s initials were D.A.D. and his secretary’s initials were M.R. The other lawyer had written me many letters, which had been copied to my client. They all contained the usual identifier in business letters — the author’s initials in uppercase and the typist’s initials in lower case (DAD/mr). My client never made a comment. After her receipt of a letter again addressing the issues of parenting time, my client called in a fury. She asked, “What is this ‘Mister Dad’ stuff?” I was puzzled and pulled out the letter. The initials, which had appeared on every letter, suddenly had taken on a special subliminal message touting the good deeds of dad and belittling mom’s parental efforts.

Photo by Tobias Reich on Unsplash

Adopted from Shock Proof Divorce by Jeff J. Horn

Your Ex’s Family Lawyer is a Jerk