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Your Ex’s Family Lawyer is a Jerk

Your Ex’s Family Lawyer is a Jerk

Your Ex’s Family Lawyer is a Jerk

Jeff J. Horn – Ocean County Family Lawyer

What to do when your ex‘s family lawyer is a jerk? Fortunately, there are tips on how to win in family law when your ex‘s family lawyer is being unreasonable. Gather the facts and law, stay focused on your longterm objectives, and don‘t give in to emotional decisionmaking. Read this article to learn more about dealing with a family lawyer jerk.

Unfortunately, it is true.  Oftentimes, your ex’s family lawyer is a jerk.  I am exaggerating.  Truthfully, most family lawyers are excellent, caring and competent.  Beware, when you have to tangle with the other type – when your ex’s family lawyer is a jerk.

What if your ex’s family lawyer is a jerk?

Fortunately, I learned a lesson from Retired Family Court Judge David Issenman.  Judge Issenman was teaching a continuing education class. Naturally, the topic was Pendente Lite motions – support motions. The judge urged the lawyers, start with this “Don’t Be a Jerk.”  At first, I laughed. Then I thought about it and have tried to use those words when I am about to be that family lawyer that is a jerk.

Not all family lawyers are jerks.

The other great advice from a now-deceased lawyer and NYC Mayor Ed Koch. With his usual wit, Ed Koch preached that a mayor has to be nice and tough at the same time. By and large, those lessons translate beautifully for the family lawyer. It turns out that when a family lawyer is a jerk, everyone knows it. They may seem tough. However, in the long run, they are ineffective. Usually, the family law litigant with clear goals wins out in the long run.


 Don’t let short-term feelings impact your decision-making.


In this context, the other family lawyer is a loudmouth and annoying. Shell-shocked, you think your lawyer is a wimp. Perhaps you think about changing lawyers. Do not give in to emotional decision making. Of course, it is your right to switch lawyers one time. 

Related – Switching Family Lawyers 

Check out my short article on Switching Family Lawyers. Yes – you are allowed to switch lawyers. Fortunately, our court system is built to accommodate reasonable variables such as switching lawyers. However, repeatedly switching lawyers tends to make you look like the out-of-control family law litigant. 


Beyond that, most likely the problem is your unreasonable expectations and unchecked emotions. Before you switch family lawyers, take an inventory of your objectives. In family law, goals and objectives are key. Once you lose perspective, you start fighting ghost and sometimes turn into the jerk yourself. You are better than that.

 How to win when your ex’s family lawyer is a jerk?

Facts and law.

Effective gathering of the facts is essential to achieving your family law goals and objectives. Similarly, your family lawyer must have command of the relevant statutes, court rules and case law. Contrary to how it might feel, objectives, facts and law usually went out.

 Do not be tempted to go ballistic when poked by the other family lawyer who act like a jerk.  On the contrary, smiling and serving your revenge cold through objectives, facts and law will feel much better in the long run.

Family lawyer jerks may win small battles.

Remember, your objective is the long run. Divorce and family law is about your big future. Succumbing to short-term emotional decision making will cost you time and money. Be in a rush to get to your big and bold future. 

Photo by Hulki Okan Tabak on Unsplash