Unstuck Your Divorce & Family Law Case – Surprise Strategies from International Consultant Nick Magone, CPA
You will meet Nick in a minute.
You will feel stuck during your divorce and family law case. If you are the spouse or partner responding, you feel stuck in a litigated divorce and family law matter that you did not choose period. You have not had the time to prepare your mind for success. Success for the other side means the case is done. The system is built around completing your case and there by measuring success by cases coming in and cases going out. your goal is to buy time and get a clear picture of a racing train. The divorce and family law process can be very overwhelming. You can transform the feeling of being stuck into the power to fuel your big future.
The divorce initiator is prepared to start and finish the case. You started with the end in mind. You are certain that it will be fast and easy to get there. Litigating a divorce and family law matter is never fast and easy. Frustration lurks around every corner for both the spouse initiating.
Conversely, the spouse responding to an unwanted divorce, is overwhelmed by the emotions and sense of grief. You want everything to slow down. You believe that scenes can be replayed and imagine a different ending. Maybe the marriage can be saved. You work toward reconciliation.
The specter of uncertainty weighs both of you down.
Dividing the family home, family business and other debts and assets, may be more than you can process all at once. The issue of alimony always creates emotional and financial stress. There may be actual financial hardships and perceived financial hardships. I have not even mentioned, litigating over child custody and parenting time. You end up feeling completely stuck.
You are both weighed down in completely different places and facing different directions. It is rare that when you are in a divorce or family law matter that your perspective includes recognizing that your spouse is stuck too. When my divorce and family law clients are stuck they become dangerous to themselves and others. I do not mean physically or violently period.
When you are stuck and frustrated, you start blaming. First, you blame yourself. “I should have …’ Then you start blaming others period. Certainly, your spouse will be a frequent recipient of blame.
You will also start to second guess decisions . First you second guess your prior decisions. You may go back in time, even before your wedding. I cannot tell you how many clients have told me after long marriages that they knew the marriage would not work.
Kat is a wonderful client and the mother of three delightful grown children. She also has an absolutely disastrous ex-spouse who on regular occasions threatens to kill himself and her. Kat has told me numerous times that she knew better, and that her father was willing to cancel. Her $200,000 wedding. Even the night before. That’s a big regret to carry around. Focusing on blame, second-guessing and regret is a mindset killer.
Remember feeling stuck is a mindset. Mindset may be the last thing that you have exclusive control over during your divorce and family law case. I often suggest that clients find ways to get unstuck. By making progress in another area of life.
This is where Nick comes in. I recently had the pleasure to meet Nick. I met Nick through one of my friends and mentors, Kevin Shulman https://www.shulman.sandler.com/about/team. https://www.linkedin.com/in/weexpectsuccess. He is an accomplished Certified Public Accountant, owner of a successful accounting and consulting business and international business advisor. Nick grew up in Clifton, New Jersey, and Italian was spoken in the home. Nick had a working knowledge of the Italian language, when he entered the business world. Over time, his certified public accounting practice grew and morphed into providing advice to businesses in the US and abroad. It started with one international matter and has multiplied, ever since. After more than two decades and practice and at the age of (46) Nick felt stuck. He could keep doing what he was doing or he could initiate meaningful progress.
Nick hosted a business dinner in NYC with (10) international colleagues. All of them had a dazzling mastery of English as a second language. Nick was deeply frustrated with his language proficiency. He decided to take the leap. “I knew I could do better, but I quickly realized there was no easy way forward except for hard work and commitment.” At the age of (46), Nick committed to learning, professional level, Italian. He studied and studied.
Asking for Help
Nick sought help from a friend/professor, who “set me on the right track.” When he was ready to unveil his Italian in a professional level email, it was a dud. The email was read back to him. Nick realized he needed even more coaching and practice. He had gone from some basic knowledge to advanced knowledge, but he was still lacking mastery. He took another leap toward mastery.
Italian speaking clients are surprised and delighted about Nick’s ability to converse with them in Italian. They expect when they deal with an American, they will conduct business in English. As soon as they start speaking English. Nick responds in fluent Italian. His clients and colleagues love it. Nick has taken the time to meet them on their playground. His leap has leveled up his practice and provided a tremendous amount of personal fulfillment.
What does Nick’s inspirational story have to do with you stuck in the middle of your divorce? Everything. Getting unstuck is your choice. Your case will proceed and will either be settled or tried. Your divorce and family law case will end. The question is: When you feel stuck in the case, will you elect to put good energy into other activities like learning a foreign language, learning a musical instrument, taking a dance lesson, improving your health and fitness or learning to cook. In the same way that Kat is stuck in her decision to marry, you may be stuck and your divorce mind. Accordingly, every time things go wrong in her marriage and now post-divorce life, she looks back with regret. Time can be an extremely valuable asset. Conversely, in your divorce and family law case, your viewpoint on the passage of time and the impact that decisions made over time will have on you can be highly destructive.
When you are feeling stuck, I want you to think of Nick. I want you to manage your mindset, accept your setting, ask for help and seek mastery. Make progress somewhere in your life to make progress everywhere in your life.